rissicat

It’s been a couple of weeks, and I’ve been staying off social media – mostly for my own sanity. I will probably stay off even longer, so those who know me might need to reach me directly. For now, I’m sitting back, surrounding myself with the friends I know, and having a long think about this election and about politics as a whole.

You see, more than half a lifetime ago I ran away from home. Not literally of course, I’m too much of a coward for that. (Or too smart. Take your pick.) But I found myself falling in love, and it wasn’t the path I expected to follow in life. It was a joyous detour, and one of the best things that ever happened to me. But I didn’t trust my family with these feelings, because I’d seen how they reacted to others in the same situation, and I didn’t want to deal with the censure or the mocking remarks. Plainly put: I was afraid of my family. So I took myself away for thirty years. I made a new family – one of the heart, instead of one of the blood.

When Mom got sick a few years ago I came back home, and this time (as opposed to all of the Christmases between then and now) I decided to trust my family of the blood with my family of the heart. To my eternal happiness, they were unflinchingly kind and accepting, and for the first time in so very long, I felt like I could trust them. And now this election has broken that feeling. Perhaps it’s childish, but my first reaction was: Didn’t you even think about how this affects *me*, when you cast your vote?

Oh, I get that the impact of all this on me won’t horrible, not really. I’m a Caucasian female, so I’m not at risk for stop and frisk, nor for other forms of racial harassment. I’m past child-bearing age, so reproductive rights and access to birth control won’t impact me. Nor will the proposed legislation to criminalize miscarriages as manslaughter affect me. The new administration has already said they won’t overturn the right to same sex marriages, so that won’t affect me either (as long as that doesn’t policy change). I’m not collecting social security payments, Medicare, or WIC, or anything that helps those in the poorest tiers of society, so again I have dodged that bullet. The new economic policy proposed, the one that will give still more tax breaks to the rich, yeah that WILL hit me, as it will hit all my conservative-voting family. The money to run the government has to come from someone, so suck it up, Middle Class. And the global instability from this election has already taken a big bite out of my retirement plans, but hopefully they will recover. But that’s not the point.

I have a lot of friends who WILL be hurt by these policies. You probably do, too. I’m scared for them, and for what this means for their lives, for their kids, for their safety. For our compassion as human beings. The things that scared you about Hillary Clinton were the campaign product of her opposition. The things that scared me about Donald Trump were the things that he himself said to the American people: political threats, silencing the media, restricting the power of the Judicial branch, telling us that everyone who was different from us is some kind of threat.

We take great pride in being Americans. Most people are wonderful and kind and would lend you a hand, or give you the shirts off their backs, if it was needed. The source of our national strength has been in our ability to band together as a democratic republic – millions of people working toward a better life. So how did so many kind, generous people go to the polls to vote against their own best interests? I don’t know… and it scares me. It brings back the same fears from a half a lifetime ago, when I ran away from my home to a place that I felt was safer, and surrounded myself with friends. Or maybe I’m just hurt that all of these people that supposedly love me never even reached out to say, “Hey, even if we disagree on this, we’re still here for you.”

My heart is still grieving, I suppose. Soon enough, once I feel safe, I’ll get back to the job of fixing this. For ALL of us.

1. What did you do in 2014 that you'd never done before?
Honestly? SO MUCH. Got laid off. I took a job in a state different from where I live... by 4 hours. I joined the Board of Directors for a local non-profit. And last but not least -- I got married!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't tend to do resolutions. But the unsettled work situation meant that I didn't take as much time for self-care as I should have...

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My niece from last year gave birth to their second daughter. One niece-in-law gave birth, and another has one in the oven.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, my nephew (and new father) was killed in a farming incident, when the vehicle he was driving rolled over and broke his neck. And my best friend from high school, Dawn, passed away from heart disease.

5. What countries did you visit?
None this year, either...

6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014?
I want to continue to declutter the house - Gcat and I are making plans to get rid of at least one item a day. Job stability would bring some peace of mind.

7. What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
June 15th - my wedding day ^_^
Feb 6th, the day Dell called to lay me off from my job of 10 months. Ugh.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
(Aside from my wedding, if I failed to mention it...?) Taking the layoff with grace and in stride. Using the time to join a professional organization and to get accreditation in software asset management. Remodeling the upstairs bathroom is a close second.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Health management.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Some lower back spasms, due to lack of exercise as far as I can see.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A copy of my wedding license! Two curio cabinets that belonged to Marty Gear.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Gryphoncat - she was a total bulwark during the time I was laid off, and helped me keep my chin up. Soranokumo for the same support.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
It's pretty hard to make me depressed. But the grand-daughter of a good friend has made me frustrated more times than I'd like to admit with her negativity and self-sabotage. My niece, for not taking over her school loans, but for leaving my 85 year old mom to pay them off (by my brother borrowing from Mom).

14. Where did most of your money go?
Eating out too much. (more) Paying down debt. Home renovations.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
The second new job! (Back with Dell, but in a different capacity.) Joining the Parsec BoD.

16. What song will always remind you of 2014?
... don't know? Probably the soundtrack to Frozen.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Mostly happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? Fatter. (by about 20 pounds)
iii. richer or poorer? About the same.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Reading.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Sitting

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Traveling our traditional 500 miles around the families to see everyone.

21. What Journal users did you meet for the first time?
None.

22. Did you fall in love in 2014?
DID YOU SEE THE GORGEOUS LADY I MARRIED??

23. How many one-night stands?
Please... (eyeroll)

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Wait... TV's have programs? Who knew??

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't travel that path.

26. What was the best book you read?
Reshirts.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
No one new this year.

28. What did you want and get?
A new job.

29. What did you want and not get?
Urmmmm... sleep?

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Theory of Everything

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went out for dinner, kicked back and slacked.

32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I have it pretty good, thank you...

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?
"Professional"

34. What kept you sane?
Friends, and work that I am passionate about.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Still Rachel Maddow.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Marriage equality. Police militarization.

37. Who did you miss?
Still Marty, but less than before.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
(No one springs to mind.)

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014.
Keep looking forward.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
... ... ... I got nothing. Maybe in the morning. LOL

Happy Belated-Birthday wishes to

One of the things that I didn't mention in my end of year round-up was that I was losing my job after 17 years.

The head of my division called me in the last week of August to tell me that they were eliminating five positions in the US. At this time we were hiring a lot of Indian contractors, and being a "big-picture" sort of girl, I realized that they were outsourcing everyone under the rank of manager to India. Over 70 years of experience wasn't as important as the financial bottom line. So much for our vaunted "people-first" culture. It was apparently outranked by "wallet-first" culture. This would have been less bitter for us if the Firm was in decline... but we just had 6% growth over our previous year.

We were promised a generous severance if we'd stay for six months to help train the new staff, and to help the development of the new database. All of us agreed to stay.

For the most part we went on with business as usual, doing the global integration. I told my household, but not even my family. Part of it was denial, and I think part of me hoped that they'd retract the dismissal - or maybe I could move laterally to another group. It seemed possible; in January they called and asked me to stay on another four months.

So I promised myself that in March I'd get looking for a job seriously. March 01 came and went, and with it I lost one of my close friends and coworkers. I let myself drift. Then came April, and I realized that I had less than three months to get my act together. I put out my resume, and then started to scour the job sites again. (I had done a tentative look back in September, and then let it go.)

Something came to my mailbox that looked promising. Then it looked *very* promising, and I started a whirlwind ten days that included three interviews. Halfway through April, I got a job offer, and an amazingly good one, that meant I could continue doing what I love.

Yesterday was my last day at EY, after 17 and a half years. Monday, I start a new job, and a new adventure. For these two days I am free-floating between the two.

I am still a very lucky kitty.

Many happy birthday wishes to the lovely and wonderful velithya. May your whole weekend be showered in love and things that make you smile. ((hug))

We will think of you on our way to Kentuck Knob tomorrow. The leaves are making a spectacular change in the mountains, and it might be almost as pretty as you. ♥

So let's move on to the annual accounting:

( 2008 )

( 2009 )

( 2010 )

I cannot, cannot believe how fast this year has gone...

So let's talk about ( 2011 )

Here's to a wonderful day for the brilliant, pretty and charming m_steelgrave!

May your day be filled with wonderful surprises and so many good things that you lose count.

~ ♥

So, the last couple of weeks months at work have been an insane flurry of software development, reporting development and training. Lots and lots of training. Fortunately this training is by phone which is less stressful, but it's also being held in European time, which means it's early for me in many cases.

My dulcet tones have now been heard in (tries to remember without my notes):
Brazil
Italy
Spain
Portugal
Poland
Germany
Switzerland
Austria
Russia
Belgium
Netherlands
India
Pakistan
South Africa

I have the UK, Ireland, Norway, Denmark, Sweden, Finland and Israel to go next week. Phew... how much fun is this?

In delightful news, kaitou took us the see the Ohio Caverns last weekend. I dearly hope that the pictures we took come out!

Many happy birthday wishes to the charming thebaconfat!

Someday I will find my way up there. And feed you poutine to celebrate. XD

(Hugs) and many happy wishes for you!

Title: Sacred
Word Count: 1095
Rating: PG13
Disclaimer: FF7 does not belong to me/no profit is made from this work.
Summary: In the Temple of the Ancients, past and present collide.
Warnings: Implications of Sephiroth/Cloud

( Sacred )